19wks

My precious little girl....... I long to hold her in my arms so badly some days it feels unbearable to have to wait another 4mths. We are at 19wks 4days today, which means I am almost to the halfway mark. Almost to 5mths ~ I must admit these have been the longest, most stressful, scary (amazing) 19wks of my life. I am not a good pregnant person I'm just NOT.  Its to scary for me, I worry about everything all the time. Its making it worse that I am now on twitter with some amazing woman who have been so helpful and supportive, (some more excited then some members of my own extended family about this baby).  But over the past few weeks many babies have died some younger then my girl some older.........and that to be honest that scares the hell outta me. I have wanted a daughter so badly my whole life and now she is here.....closer to me then any other human being has ever been, she is part of me.......everything she needs to grow and be brought into this world depends on ME. If that is not pressure I dunno what is.
Steve gets so upset with me because he says I am a downer all the time and always thinking the worst.......OK yes he is right (shhh don't tell him I admitted that OK?)  So I told him "look you and I need to have a serious talk and I want you to listen to every word I am saying and try to understand"  I explained how much pressure I am under, I know its not intentional pressure but OMG everything is on my shoulders. I have 2 watch everything I eat, I have to eat even when I am so sick I could puke everywhere because she needs the nourishment. I have to watch my BP, I can't pick up heavy things, I cant vacuum, I cant work, I cant do laundry, I have to remain as calm as possible. I have to sleep on my sides at night, I have extreme pain in my nipples that no one seems to be able to explain why and it is torture OMG its horrid pain. I have to be careful with what foods I eat, I need to test my blood and give myself shots 6xs a day.......the list goes on and on and I will do all of this and smile because I want to be a mother no matter what I must endure......but the pressure of keeping her safe and healthy for another 20wks can be overwhelming. He gets to just sit back and wait for her arrival no pain, no stress, no worries......its all on ME......and its alot. I am so in love with this child already I cannot wait for October to get her so I can hold my lil Shyann :)

18wk Picture

Mommys Belly at 18wks 6days

18wks 6days

So true

Shyann it is

"Well it looks like its a girl" those words changed my life, FOREVER. 
For years I have known how lucky I was to have a Mother like mine. She is the most selfless, caring, funny, passionate, patient, understanding, LOVING, giving, amazing woman I know and she is all mine. When I found out I was pregnant she was the first to know, why? Because its just natural for me to share everything with her (even things she might not want to know lol)  No one knows me better then her, she knows what I am feeling from just a look and vice versa. This relationship was built between her and I over years of honesty  and understanding.
I always hoped that someday I would be lucky enough to have a daughter of my very own to share this same bond with. In February when that pregnancy test turned positive there was something inside of me that just knew I was going to have a little girl.  I knew Steve wanted a son but he told me after the weeks pasted he could sense that I needed a daughter MORE then he needed a son and he soon fell in love with the idea of having a daughter too. I never had a doubt in my mind EVER. I did not want to say it outloud to many people because it sounded awful, call it mother's intuition or something but I just felt it. Mind you if the tech told us "BOY" tears would have flowed just as much and smiles would have been just as big..........but there was a little part of me that REALLY wanted a girl. At my 14wks sonogram the tech told me it was a girl and I was not shocked at all.  I wanted to wait till our 18wks sono to announce it for sure, but she said it was a girl again and FOR SURE.  So Daddy and I bought some cute lil socks that look like shoes, pink bows, and some cute outfits. I am in heaven.........a baby girl what more could I ask for. 
Thank You Lord, Thank You!

Pictures of our Baby Girl @ 18wks

Pics done on 6/1/11 at Mercy Hospital ~ Anamoly Scan was excellent baby girl is right on track!

Arms wide open saying " I'm fabulous"

Her leg and foot

Her bum, two legs and feet

Her cute lil profile

It's a girl

Pretty Pretty Princess

It's a GIRL!

We found out yesterday afternoon we are going to have a daughter. We are over the moon with excitiement. The Lord has blessed us so much. A precious lil girl for us to love.